Life

Diaper Zen

My wife was recently in the hospital. She’s on the mend now but it was scary for a bit. When she got sick the last thing on my mind was indulging in any fetishes.

For about a week after GC went into the hospital, I stopped wearing because I was just so preoccupied with everything. Then one of the doctors told me that I need to remember to make sure I’m doing things for ‘self-care’ and not to totally ignore my own needs.

At first, I thought ‘well I can’t think of anything I need that I’m withholding from myself or I’m not doing to take care of myself,’ but then I realized that I had completely stopped wearing. It occurred to me that wearing was probably something I needed as self-care, or at least I could try to use to help keep me centered.

Before GC went into the hospital I had been wearing nearly 24/7 unless I had customer appointments to go to because it was something I felt like I needed to keep me grounded and not totally lose my sexuality in the humdrum of day to day living. So it hit me that I was so focused on taking care of GC that I was being completely selfless and utterly ignoring everything but my most rudimentary needs like food and sleep. Which was absolutely necessary at first and the right thing to do, having a mindset of ‘mission over self’ is something I’m extremely good at.

The first time I put on a diaper again there was this overwhelming feeling of, I don’t know how to really describe it, something like ‘rightness.’ I just took a few minutes to focus on how it made me feel and really appreciate myself, almost like a brief meditation. I realized how much pent-up anxiety and stress I had been ignoring and how unhealthy that was. After allowing myself to feel all those ignored feelings they washed over me almost instantaneously and I just felt at peace.

It didn’t last too long, I’ll admit. I put on the diaper when I was getting ready to leave the house to go to the hospital and once I was in the car all those anxieties and fears returned but I was able to allow myself to feel them and accept them instead of ignoring them.

It could be that it wasn’t so much the diaper specifically that made that happen as much as it was just the fact that I was taking a moment for ‘self-care.’ But it amazed me just how quickly wearing a diaper helped me cut through all that inner turmoil. I realized that wearing is like my secret weapon, a shortcut almost, for me to get in touch with myself and find a more peaceful headspace.

Since then I’ve been wearing constantly, except for the few times family and friends were around. But I bought some new jeans that I think are really good at hiding my diaper and I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to wear even at work now, although I might not take the chance. I go back to work in a few days so we’ll see. I’m sure I won’t have any customer appointments until next week, anyway, so I have at least another week of 24/7 wearing 🙂

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