I’ll admit it’s weird that strapping on a rubber cock and fucking the daylights out of my wife makes me feel like a total stud, like a big macho man, while simultaneously pouring gasoline on my submissive fire because my penis remains safely locked in its ‘natural habitat.’ I feel overcome by a deep, burning desire to give her everything she needs and wants and to be totally consumed with serving her.
GC and I had intercourse a few weeks ago using my penis instead of the strap-on for the first time in nearly six months, and I came inside her twice with a brief refractory period between each orgasm by using her vibrator on her. All in all it was about 20 minutes of vaginal stimulation for her and she came massively at the end, just like the good ol’ days.
I did not feel like a total stud. I did not feel macho even a little bit. In no way did I feel inadequate but I felt small and fragile. I was completely unfulfilled with the encounter.
I didn’t tell GC any of that because I couldn’t really articulate it at the time. I just knew it wasn’t our best work together and she agreed. We always talk about things right after, and we’re totally ok with admitting to each other if it was ‘meh.’ We’re also totally ok with basking in the glory of ‘holy fuck definitely top 10, no wait, top 5, maybe even best ever!’
The next day, as she was going to bed, GC said, ‘I think sex is better with you locked.’ I was stunned. I didn’t know how to respond so I just said, ‘Oh, really?’
She replied, ‘Yesterday was great, don’t get me wrong, but, yeah…I dunno, I think it’s better with you locked. Maybe we can talk more about it later.’ And I said, ‘Ok, that’s fine.’ She proceeded to bed while I watched TV as is our custom.
Now, I took this to mean that she preferred the strap-on over my penis which was totally mind-blowing to me. This is what I had dreamed about for years, that she could feel completely sexually fulfilled while I remained denied. I have fantasized for so long that maybe one day my penis and my orgasms could be utterly irrelevant to her sexual satisfaction.
I suppose some men would feel inadequate, ashamed and humiliated by the thought that a piece of rubber could satisfy their wife better than they could. However, I do not feel even the slightest bit inadequate, ashamed or humiliated. I don’t feel like my masculinity is threatened or that I’m less of a man because my penis is less satisfying to my wife than a dildo is. I joke with my best friend that no man can ever out perform a dildo, and it’s true. No matter how much of a stud you are, you’ll never last as long as a piece of rubber.
But when I have a piece or rubber strapped to my hips, a nice, thick 9″ cock replacing my locked little penis (not really that little, but when it’s locked…yeah, it’s tiny compared to a dildo) I feel like a sex god. My brain swims in ‘lovey-dovey’ neurotransmitter soup while I pound orgasm after orgasm after orgasm out of my wife. I know how to hit all the right spots, adjust the angle just right, speed up, slow down, go deeper and shallower at just the right moments. I play her like a fiddle and turn her into a puddle of exhausted, satisfied, and well-fucked woman. How the fuck could anyone feel inadequate doing that?
The beautiful thing about it for me is that I never achieve climax so my brain never gets purged of the ‘lovey-dovey’ neurotransmitters and replaced with the ‘ahh that was good, we’re done now’ neurotransmitters. I stay in a state of euphoric arousal while I snuggle into her as she gasps, holding her head with both hands saying, ‘fuck, holy fuck, fucking holy, oh fuck.’
So when she said, “I think sex is better with you locked” I was thrilled. We didn’t have a follow up conversation for several days so my imagination was left to wander and ponder, ‘so what does that mean for the future of my sex life?’ I hoped it meant that she would be game to go all in with chastity, that she’d be willing to put in the effort to make edging, tease and denial, pegging, spanking, and all the rest of it, a more prominent part of our sex life. Perhaps not the default, but more than once a year.
Maybe it even meant that she would commit to denying me (penile) orgasms permanently*. Or maybe forbidding me from being inside her ‘ever again.’ My mind races, my heart swoons.
*I know, no one can say ‘permanent’ because no one can see the future. What I mean by permanent is, ‘committed to indefinite orgasm denial with the distinct possibility, nay, goal, of never having an orgasm again.’
We did have the follow up conversation and she said that preferring the strap-on over my penis was exactly what she meant when she said sex was better with me locked. I explained to her all the feelings I had about that, how it made me so happy. I explained that I felt I would need to have some consideration if we were to make this our default for good. I told her that I thought if she edged me and maybe spanked me first, then I fucked her with the strap-on, that would feel like a balanced default.
I explained that if I was in the mood for ‘default sex,’ however we decided to define that, then that would mean I was game for edging and spanking, every time without question. That is my own ‘personal default’ in the same way ‘kissing→nipple sucking→vaginal penetration→orgasm’ is her personal default.
So we agreed to make that our default. Edging me and optionally spanking, depending on her mood, followed by strap-on fucking. We are the type of people that need to define these things explicitly, even our non-verbal ques and signals, so when one says (signals) to the other, ‘Wanna have sex?’ we know exactly what that means, unless stated otherwise or elaborated upon. This way we don’t need to either a) negotiate then decide if we’re in the mood or b) open-endedly agree to sex but not know if the other means ‘all-out-empty-the-toy-box-and-do-it-all-sex’ or ‘vanilla-low-key-fucking,’ because we’ve ‘pre-negotiated’ the base line.
I’m excited about the possibilities for the future. GC and I still need to discuss this more but I feel like we’re at a major turning point and we’re both going to be more sexually fulfilled from now on. Could this mean I can actually start feeling like we’re ‘doing chastity’ instead of just wearing body jewelry? Could this mean we start to have sex more often, which would mean we’d have more chances to be (more) kinky? Will this help us develop a more D/s dynamic? Will this make it easier for her to explore just exactly what she wants and needs herself?
One can certainly hope.
And I do. I have hope by the fucking bucket full and I feel like a macho, macho man.