Very recently GC has discovered that she is a little. This is something that has been deep inside her for a very long time and she has had some difficulty getting comfortable with her little side. For those that don’t know, a little is someone who enjoys ageplay or ABDL (adult baby/diaper lover). Ageplay is loosely defined as a form a role play in which an individual acts or treats another as if they were a different age. GC enjoys taking on the role of a little around 2 years old. The other individual in this dynamic is typically referred to as the caregiver.
It would be understandable if someone thought this would create friction between us. Considering I am a submissive it would make sense that I would be most fulfilled with a partner that is dominant. It would also make sense that I would be unfulfilled being GC’s caregiver and GC would be unfulfilled being my keyholder.
Fortunately, this is not the case. We’re still working on the best mix of D/s that works for us but we both have the desire to give the other what they need and want. This is how I reconcile being submissive with being the top in most of our sexual encounters. GC and I have talked about this explicitly and she had agreed to be my keyholder and take responsibility for that aspect of my sexual being. In other words, she dominates that part of my life. That is how I am able to feel like being the top is an act of submissive service which resolves the dissonance I used to feel.
When we have a scene in which GC is a little, she is the bottom and I am the top. That is, I am the one performing the actions and GC is the one on which the actions are being performed. We’ve negotiated that even though this is the case, she is still the one in control which by definition makes her the dominant and me the submissive, even though this is opposite what the typical dynamic is.
How this looks like in real life is that GC will tell me that she wants to have a scene with her wearing a diaper, or being spanked, or being held while she sucks on a pacifier, etc. I then agree or negotiate additional details and we have the scene. At no point in that interaction did GC relinquish control or stop being the dominant partner even though we are negotiating a scene in which she is the bottom.
This is how it works for us. How we feel is what matters not how it looks. Having this understanding with GC makes it feel like I’m being submissive even when I am the top. So, my little is the boss of me and I do what she says.