In my last post I mentioned that GC was going away for a few days and it ended up that we didn’t see each other for about 5 days. It really put a damper on the momentum that we had built up which was really disappointing for both of us. On top of that, GC had to work very long days that week to make up for being gone even though she managed to get some work done remotely. All that put together meant that we didn’t see each other for five days which included the weekend and then we didn’t have any time to spend with each other when she got back.

By the time the weekend finally came she was totally wiped out. We ended up being couch potatoes for the whole weekend and didn’t spend any time reconnecting. That’s really hard for me to overcome, such a long period of time without any intimacy tends to make me somewhat withdrawn.

But what can I do? Working on a marriage is, well, work. It takes effort to focus on each other and it takes time to be intimate. It’s tempting to just sit back and let things happen instead of taking an active role in shaping our life together and falling into that temptation happens to everyone. It’s just a part of life. We always recognize when it’s happening to us and acknowledge it but that doesn’t make it any easier to overcome.

Sex is great but it isn’t a substitute for intimacy in other areas. We had sex this past weekend but it seemed to me to be a band-aid. It wasn’t what I needed to feel that closeness that I crave again. GC knew it, I knew it, and we both felt it. We knew that there was more to discuss about D/s and spanking, more that needed to be discussed, but neither of us had the energy or will-power.

We did have the energy and will-power to have spectacular sex, though, so that was enough to make this week tolerable. It didn’t get us back to where we want to be, didn’t give us the momentum we had a few weeks ago, but I think it kept us from falling further behind.

GC has still worked very late almost every day this week so it’s been impossible to spend time together. That puts a lot of pressure on us to make the most of the weekend. I’m feeling that pressure right now. GC is out getting her hair cut and I’m sitting here thinking about what I can do for us. What do I want to do?I don’t really know. What I do know is that I want to feel close and connected and try to ignore all the distractions of daily life. And we can do that today, but what about tomorrow? Or the rest of the week?

We can’t get back that momentum in a single day, we know that, which makes it really hard to try. Knowing that no matter what happens, no matter how much time we spend talking, cuddling, having sex, being kinky, or anything else, it won’t be everything we need makes doing nothing a tempting proposition. Because we both know that what we need is more time in a day, more time together every day, more sustained intimacy. What we need is to work harder to fight the distractions not just today but every day. And thinking about fighting next weeks distractions is a distraction that hinders me from doing what I can do today.

So, what can I do? I guess I’ll take a deep breath right now and hope GC can help me fight the distractions when she gets back because I can’t do it alone. I need her.

The only thing I know I can do right now is need her. And that’s something that will never change, something I can always count on.

Categories: Relationship

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3 replies »

  1. I can understand how you feel and that happens to us sometimes too. It is very hard when life gets in the way. What works for us is having a designated time to talk properly about it together and work out what we both need. Then we do something to reset the dynamic so that we are both back in the right mindset. I am a submissive and my Sir is a Dominant so the roles are clear for us. I am not sure how it would work as a switch. For us we each need to keep feeding the other so by being submissive it will fuel his Dom and vice versa. That tends to get us through the bumps. Not sure if that will help but all the best of luck. 😊


    • I really appreciate your input! You are so right about one feeding the other. My dilemma is how to be submissive when she’s not being dominant. How can I feed her dominant side when she’s not in that headspace at all? It seems impossible to be submissive when there’s nothing to submit to, when there’s no converse. Like you said, there needs to be some kind of reset and I guess that’s the part that takes so much effort. We came up with our date nights for this very reason but we missed the last two, one because she was away and then the next because she had to work until after 9pm. So we know we need that reset but finding the time is tough. But we’ll figure it out, I have faith in us 🙂

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      • It is hard and I have felt like you do too. It hard to be submissive if no one is asking for your submission but if you do then I think that will feed her Dominant side. At the start I was more passive in my submission – I waited for Sir and responded to him, but after a while I realised that I had to be more active. I had to offer my submission and really remind him who he was to me. By doing this I usually managed to engage him and we got back on the right track again. He has done the same for me when I have been so busy that my mindset has slipped. Instead of him cutting me some slack what he actually did was to ask more of me which got me right back where I wanted and needed to be. We try to keep each other always at the centre and juggle everything else round about us rather than it being the way where we are responding to outside influences separately. Not sure if this is any help. I did write a post about being more active if that is any use:

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