I’ve heard it said that a wedding ring symbolizes eternal commitment because it’s circular and… well, whatever else they say, you know, blah blah. I don’t care what it symbolizes in society in general, I only care that it means I’m taken. I’m so proud to display my shiny new gold wedding band. I had a chance to make a point of it today.
I was in a training session at work and one of the new hires sat next to me. I had never seen her before today but it was pretty hard to miss how smoking hot she was. Ok, that’s a bit of an overstatement. But in a building full of hundreds of 40-50 somethings trudging through their mind-numbingly trivial existence you tend to notice the young pretty girls.
She walked into the room a minute after me and there were still several seats open. She scanned the room and started to make for a seat and then she happened to look my way and see that the seat next to me was open. It was barely perceptible and I noticed only because I happened to be watching her, but she totally changed direction as she smiled shyly and walked in my direction.
The training room is just a room with rows of tables on the right and left with an aisle down the middle. There’s an overhead projector for presentations and the obligatory podium in the front. Each row has five chairs and there’s four rows on each side, so math tells me the room holds like 40 people.
Anyway. She sat down on my right side and I glanced up and smiled. She blushed-hard, like 8th grade school girl kind of blushed. I mean, I know I’m good looking but it’s not like I’m Brad Pitt or… whoever the girls think is hot these days. I was flattered I guess, but it was a little embarrassing to see a grown woman react like that. I didn’t know what to do so I just reached for my phone to… check email?
So that was kind of awkward. Thankfully she just stared intently at her blank notebook on the table in front of her while she cleared her throat a few times and a moment later the person giving the presentation began. I put my phone down on the table and casually crossed my arms in front of me, exactly like this stock photo I’m definitely not paying for:
I made sure my left hand was very visible on the table. We were in a row on the left side of the room which means we had to look towards the right front of the room at the guy standing at the podium. As I said, she was sitting to my right so I totally noticed when she looked down to pretend to write a note and looked over at my hand. She didn’t even write anything. Once she saw the ring she just put her pen down, leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms in front of her. A student of body language, I could see very plainly that she was annoyed and disappointed, though a blind person probably would have been able to tell, too. I’m guessing she was disappointed to see my ring and annoyed that she had reacted so strongly to my friendly smile just a few moments before.
I nearly burst out laughing.
So the ring works. She never even made eye contact with me again, and we were in that room all day. I was so happy and, like I was bragging, I periodically put my hands on the table with the ring in full view. Can’t touch this. If that had happened five years ago, I would have been the one that was an awkward, embarrassing mess. But I didn’t feel any kind of social anxiety. It was weird, like the ring freed me from that. And I really liked it.
But the ring is only symbolic. What that girl doesn’t know, what no one knows, is that I wear another demonstration of my commitment. This one is very real. Under my clothes every day I wear very real evidence that I belong to another. A metal cage is locked on my penis and my wife is the only person with a key. She owns me, heart, soul, and body.
Even on our wedding day I was locked in my chastity device. The tuxedo is the most pronounced display of masculine refinement a man can wear. But even underneath that overt declaration of agency I wore the mark of her ownership. I am proud to display my wedding band, but I’m even more proud of what I wear that no one else will ever see.
And for your viewing pleasure, here’s a picture of us at our wedding that I photo-shopped to show that.