So occasionally I write a bit of fiction. This is the first part of a story I wrote about permanent chastity.
“Tell me why I didn’t let you orgasm.”
His voice cracked as he replied, “Because you love me.”
She let the silence hang in the air for a moment before adding, “And?”
“And because you are doing what’s best for me,” he relented.
They were naked, laying on the bed. She smiled as she looked down at him. He lay on his back, skewed slightly across the bed, eyes closed with his head resting on her bare stomach. She was sitting up slightly, propped up with pillows against the headboard. She gently stroked his hair as she watched his erect penis bob and dance. “Do you want an orgasm, my love?” she asked after several minutes.
He did. She knew it, and he knew it. He wanted an orgasm almost more than anything in the world. Part of him felt that no one in human history had ever wanted anything more than he wanted an orgasm in that very moment. “Yes, Ma’am,” he replied, his chest tight with desire.
She smiled knowing that he didn’t know what her next question would be, “Should I give you an orgasm?”
He was stunned. He wanted to yell, ‘Yes!’ but strangely, something kept him from doing so. She had never asked him if she should give him an orgasm. His orgasms had always been up to her and he felt odd being asked to pass judgement on what she should or shouldn’t do with them.
There was only one way he could answer, “I don’t know.”
She was elated. It was the very answer she had been hoping for. She needed to keep going, to see if what she suspected was true. “You don’t know if I should give you an orgasm? Why don’t you know? I thought you said you wanted one.”
“I do want one, but…” his voice trailed off as he struggled to come to terms with what he was thinking.
“But what? Tell me, my love,” she urged him.
“I can’t make that decision. Only you can,” he had never said the words and it almost felt like it wasn’t him saying them right now, like some phantom had somehow crept inside him and snatched the words from his soul before he could pull them back and hide them.
“That’s right my love. Only I can,” as she said this she felt him shudder slightly and the breath catch in his throat for a moment before he sighed and relaxed.
She was beyond happy. This had always been their way, with her allowing or not allowing him to orgasm, but they had never articulated it precisely this way. She had told him that she denied him because she loved him and knew what was best. He loved the denial and it made him very happy. But he had never verbalized the surrender of his orgasms entirely to her. And she had allowed him to have orgasms fairly often with an occasional long period of denial. Right now they were in their longest period of denial yet and his last orgasm had been over three months ago.
He was trying to stay still and think of nothing but the moment. It was almost meditative to bask in this feeling. He felt the silky, liquid warmth course through his mind, this feeling that soothed all the right emotions in all the right places. It was something he couldn’t really describe but was always delighted by and he struggled to stay in that state of mind.
She could tell by his breathing that he was in his space. She felt strong and confident, like she had conquered the highest mountain and absolutely nothing could stop her. She could feel his love and devotion in the deepest core of her being. She felt it so strongly that she felt it almost hoist her to a higher plain of being, one that mere mortals were unworthy of experiencing but the quiet intensity of his adoration propelled her to these new heights.
He shifted, rolling on to his side and inching further up the bed so he could rest his head on her shoulder and wrap his arm around her waist. His erection has subsided somewhat and he pressed into her, wanting to be completely immersed in her.
She continued to stroke his head and she said quietly, “Good boy. You’re my good boy.”
He felt his chest tighten and the breath catch in his throat again. He felt like he would burst with love for her. She could tell and it made her smile even more. She felt like she could leap from the bed and scream, so overcome was she with this feeling of invincibility. She looked down at this hunk of a man, her man, in wonder and amazement that he would allow himself to be so vulnerable and bare before her. They fed off each other; she gained strength from his willing vulnerability and he gained peace and tranquility in her willingness to control his orgasm.
They never wanted this to end. They stayed there, wrapped in each other for a long while.
This is the moment, she thought to herself. She finally had the confidence she felt she needed. “My love,” she began softly.
“Hmm?” He was still trying to remain tranquil and her voice nudged him out of his thought.
“I don’t want this to end, do you?” she asked quietly.
“No, Ma’am,” he replied.
“What if it was always like this? What if we always had this feeling?” she asked.
He was slowly being pulled back to reality. He opened his eyes slightly, “What do you mean?”
“I mean, wouldn’t it be amazing to always feel this good? To always feel this strongly for each other, like we feel in this moment?” she replied.
He wasn’t quite sure what she was getting at. He pulled himself up the bed and lay next to her on his back, now fully alert. He said, “Yes, Ma’am. That would be amazing. I just don’t know how that would happen.”
She knew that they felt like this after he had been denied a few months and then they had sex without her allowing him to orgasm. She knew that sex got better with each passing day of his denial, especially when she told him beforehand that he wasn’t to orgasm. He had amazing self-restraint and even penetrating her, as she so often craved, he was somehow able to keep from coming.
“If there was a way, do you think you would try? I mean, if it were at all possible to achieve that state of being, would you be willing to make it happen?” she asked with anticipation.
He still wasn’t sure what she was getting at, “Well, of course I would. I love making you happy. I love making us happy.”
She decided it was now or never, “What if we decided that you wouldn’t have orgasms anymore?”
He was listening to her but it took a few seconds before he heard what she had said. The room seemed to explode away and leave him in a void as he realized what she was asking. Never again? It was almost incomprehensible. Sure, he had a chastity device and he was one of the lucky few that could actually wear it indefinitely without discomfort, so he knew that logistically it would be possible. If he stayed locked up it was impossible for him to orgasm. He usually did remain locked and the only exception was when she wanted to have sex, like today.
His heart started to race and he almost began to panic, “But, I don’t…I mean, well, I…” he stammered. He didn’t know what he was trying to say. His breathing increased as he struggled to wrap his head around the idea of never having an orgasm again.
She pulled him towards her and caressed him rocking gently, “Shh, shh, it’s ok, my love. Shh, be a good boy. It’s ok. Shhh.”
He calmed down a little, but he almost felt like he would cry. Deep down he knew he could say no and she would accept that, but she also wouldn’t have asked if she didn’t truly want this. And he loved how he felt being denied and seeing how happy it made her.
He felt weak as he sat up to look at her. Her face was absolutely radiant with confidence and tenderness which instantly softened him. She reached out to touch his cheek and he closed his eyes and said, “I don’t know if I could do that right now.”
“That’s ok, darling. I understand! Why don’t we sleep on it and talk about it tomorrow after work?” He realized that at some point she had reached over to the night stand and was holding out his device to him.
“Ok, yes. Let’s do that,” he said, relieved that he would have more of a chance to think and process the thought. Seeing the device in her hand he automatically brought himself to a kneeling position on the bed in front of her without a thought and she quickly put the device on him.
Giving his penis a swift kiss she smiled at him and said, “I didn’t even have to tell you what to do. I’ve trained you well!” He blushed.
“Oh, I have an idea!” she said, straightening up. “Why don’t we each make a list? I’ll come up with five reasons why you won’t have orgasms anymore, and you come up with five reasons why you think we should let you continue having orgasms. What do you think?”
He wasn’t sure what to think about anything, so he just said, “Yeah, ok. That sounds fine.”
They lay down to sleep and he cuddled up to her. He reached his arm around to hold her and he felt a wave of contentment wash over him as he quickly drifted off to sleep.
She felt so excited about what the next day and their conversation might bring, and a little anxious, too. She didn’t know if she could sleep. What if he said no? What would she do? And if he said yes, could he really handle it? Will he truly understand what he’s agreeing to? So much apprehension, but it was outweighed by her confidence and happiness and she, too, drifted off.